Monday, September 22, 2008

Undo This

So I got a snarky email from Tricia today wanting her copy of Undoing Gender back. If she'd used a subject line related to school matters, maybe she would've gotten a response to her previous emails. I feel it's in my best interests not to open any "No Subject" or non-school related emails from her, and there's really no reason for me to seeing as I already informed them that I would contact them via email about the remaining footage.

Oh, and how 'bout I finally get paid for my hours from JUNE? I went IKEA on them and after my third email regarding that time sheet, I am done. I already called HR, and forwarded the emails (in which they said they would pay me). It's really not my problem that they both encourage you to put down the max number of hours every week, even if you don't work them, however I actually worked those hours and expect to be paid for them of course.

Ugh. It's really a matter of not letting her get to me. I take the emails out of my inbox immediately. I'll leave her her fucking book tomorrow night, and plan to maintain my Tricia-free, harassment-free zone.

I'm goddamn fucking healing my creativity people!

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Outfest Preparations

I used discharge paste on two shirts today, and it worked out remarkably well. The only problem was that my craft iron leaks water instead of steaming things, and that really fucked up my designs in a couple of places. I think I probably can repair them for the most part, and now I have to empty out my iron to make sure it doesn't happen again.

Tess and I are going to H&M tomorrow afternoon to get some more shirts. Would like to have a good number in a range of sizes before our table at Outfest!

So far for Outfest I have:
- five art cards, to be sold in packs or individually
- two shirts (finished)
- 10-20 "We Change Things" shirts (depends what they cost)
- 10-20 "Human Body" shirts (again, cost)
- 250 "We Change Things" vinyl stickers

Will have:
- 3 journals decorated with the discharge paste
- 8 glitter notebooks decorated with stencils
- 10 glitter folders decorated with stencils
- 6-10 paintings/stencil paintings
- 8 more discharge paste shirts
- 250 "Human Body" stickers
- 3 to 4 more art cards
- 5 decorated onesies
- "Hello My Pronoun Is" labels
- "Hello My Name Isn't" labels

Acupuncture

I'm going to acupuncture on Friday! I would like to start going regularly. It has always helped with my neck pain, but this time I'm not going for that. Yay acupuncture!

Philadelphia Community Acupuncture

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Not The Best Time...

cute nurse - w4w

Reply to: pers-809909745@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-08-23, 6:29PM

cute nurse on thursday.. i wanted to say more.. but it was not the best time...

  • Location: ne philly
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
hilarious.

w4w@Penn, w/ENV2+lollipop


Two hot Penn students in 3535 Market who got off at the 1st floor - w4w

Reply to: pers-808006679@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-08-22, 1:10PM

To the girl with the black ENV2 phone, you have a really nice ass but your friend, who was having difficulties opening her lollipop, has really nice legs.
Sorry for staring but I couldn't help it.

  • Location: Market St
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

I just like that the identifier for the friend is "having difficulties opening her lollipop." The post is stupid though. The only thing that makes it semi-unusual (if you read Missed Connections ever) is that it's also w4w. Oh craigslist.

Vegan Missed Connections

Temple J&H cafeteria around 7pm - w4m

Reply to: anon-845032104@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-09-17, 9:08PM

I was surprised there were vegan sandwiches tonight; i said "really?!?!" and then you said "yes, reall.y"

you were wearing a blue plaid or maybe flannel shirt. i have glasses.
let's be pals.

  • Location: Temple
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Sprayed Um Both

Thursday night Tess and I went out with Ari and Gabby (the human, not the cat - as we always specify). We hit up Stir (we weren't fans) and Locust Rendevous. What with Ari traveling around the country on all her movie jobs - and technically living in LA - we don't see much of her or Gabby. Last time I hung out with them both together was at Sitar India after my movie played at Black Lily in May.

Ari apparently relayed news about the demise of The Movie to Gabby over the summer, and I guess a few nights ago in an intoxicated state, Gabby started ranting about how she always sees Tricia on campus.

"I can't believe she was so mean to bex*....I hate her! I always see her....I can't believe she was so mean to bex*....."

The impression is really a lot more hilarious when Ari does it and Gabby is kicking her in the shins. It's nice to know I got friends in my corner.

On a completely unrelated note, Gabby received a particularly funny text from her mom while we were out...I'll see if I can't relay it as closely as possible:

"bugs invaded my sewing room! caught 2 in the curtains havin unprotected sex. sprayed um both!"

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

For Inspiration


In the past two days, I've found elements of inspiration in the films I checked out from the library for just that purpose. (Synopses at the bottom, if you're interested.) Particularly:

Su Friedrich:
The Odds of Recovery
Rules of the Road (still frame above)

Alan Berliner:
Wide Awake

I'm looking for my next project, specifically the one I'll use as my project for my Fundraising class. I have a little bit of accidentally-silent interview footage I'd like to use as a jumping off point, but I haven't quite decided where I'm going with that. Probably something reflexive like the above titles, but a short.

Other ideas include:

  • picking back up on my queer shorts series
  • "life and capital" in North Philly (not sure how I intended that - just had it scrawled in a notebook...I think I meant something along the lines of how being an outsider makes it difficult to trade on certain types of social capital)
  • new beginnings/a fresh start...finding subjects who are experiencing a new beginning somewhere
  • a narrative playing off a letter I received from a downstairs neighbor at my old apartment
  • trans pregnancy conversations, from many and varied perspectives...because, oh, they're out there and don't they come up...
That's all for now...synopses of the films I mentioned:

The Odds of Recovery (2002)

After a twenty-year period of multiple illnesses and injuries, filmmaker Su Friedrich turns the camera on herself as a way to analyze her chances for a happier, healthier life. In the process, she captures the frustration, tedium and petty annoyances of a revolving-door relationship with the medical establishment, while portraying the complicated web of emotions that accompany any medical problem. With humor and honesty, The Odds of Recovery uses the filmmaker's medical history as a means to address a perennial human problem: the desire to avoid conflict and deny the need for radical change.


Rules of the Road (1993)

Rules of the Road
tells the story of a love affair and its demise through one of the objects shared by the couple: an old beige station wagon with fake wood paneling.

A typical American family car for an atypical American family, it provides the women at first with all the familiar comforts. But when their relationship ends, the car becomes the property of one and the bane of the other's existence. Even long after their separation, this tangible reminder of their life together—and thousands of its imitators—continues to prowl the streets of the city, haunting the woman who no longer holds the keys either to the car or the other woman's heart.

Through spoken text, popular music and images from the streets of New York, Rules of the Road takes a somewhat whimsical, somewhat caustic look at how our dreams of freedom, pleasure, security, and family are so often symbolized by the automobile.


Wide Awake (2006)

Filmmaker Alan Berliner chronicles his lifelong battle with insomnia in this intimate documentary. The cameras roll as he tries to quiet his overly active mind so he can get a decent night's sleep, capturing the details of what it's like to suffer from a chronic sleep disorder. As he struggles to find balance, his friends and family -- who endure the worst of Berliner's bouts with insomnia -- question whether he really wants to find a cure.

Step One. Or Something.

I have recently undergone some pretty major changes in my life as a whole, and my creative life specifically (not that the two can really be separated). The death of a documentary, to which a great portion of my creative energy was devoted, and around which my academic schedule and coursework has been based for a year and a half. Also burned at the stake of the documentary: an intense academic and personal mentoring relationship/friendship. The tidal wave effect of this entire project continues to wash over different parts of my life, and having ended the project, it seems as though continuous waves bring regular mini-disasters, panics, or annoyances that I feel are really unhealthy for me creatively, mentally/emotionally, and even physically. I got out of the rip tide, but I can't get the sand off! And people, I am chafing.

Feeling really wounded and angered by the way in which the project devolved has got me stuck. I realized that I have been a very similar angry, vengeful, self-destructive state before when a former boss/mentor/friend mentally abused me and sexually harassed me. That feeling of being suckered, being duped, and being trapped makes me wanna lash out irrationally. Like a snake in a box being poked with a stick. And it seems like everybody's got a stick - even nice, well-meaning people who just want to help. Or worse, who I've reached out to for help.

I've been making huge efforts to take the "high road" (whatever-the-fuck-ever that is) but I feel like that's led to the bottling of my actual feelings. Regularly the cork pops off and the result is always a really messy, unhealthy shower of disgusting bitter goo. Yick. Honestly, right now I think the concept of the high road is bullshit, and some of our hoopties just can't make it up that hill...there must be a perfectly good mid-level road, I'm sure.

In any event, there is also a certain sense of excitement and freedom I feel. I can make movies again, and not be guilted for spending time on them. I can paint, draw, write, plan parties, decorate, knit, and whatever the hell else I want, and not be accused of mis-directing my energies (which is utter nonsense). I can design, make, sell. I can collaborate with people! I can make connections, and use them to advance my work and creative life! I can travel. I can work. I can work on me. I can spend creative time with my partner. I can function, at least to the extent that The Movie/state thereof will not be the source of can't-leave-the-house,-eat-or-sleep-or-shower-or-do-dishes DEPRESSION.

The Purpose of This Space:
  • to recover my creative self
  • to heal the spirit that informs my art
  • vent residual or recurring anger and frustration ans a method of conceptually placing those emotions somewhere other than my mind
  • to clear my mind for dwelling on the new, the good, the future, while retaining some of my anger for inspiration, motivation, or future reflection (I don't want to lose the valuable lessons I learned just because I don't want to think about it/can't deal with it right now)

I Want To:
  • assign myself works (books, films, art, etc.) to study, or look at for inspiration
  • assign myself projects to complete
  • create goals around fundraising to accomplish those projects
  • seek out creative opportunities (collaboration, workshops, events, etc.)
  • continually evaluate progress of healing and creative goals
  • assess/employ rituals I feel are necessary to heal and create
  • make an honest attempt to advance creatively/professionally/personally, and track that progress